UAE psychologist to train women to 'accept being second wife'

Zahraa al-Musawi conducted a study to figure out why women resist their husbands marrying second, third or fourth wives, initially putting it down to jealousy. In the study, she acknowledges that a man marrying another woman would lead to anxiety, depression and anger.

Her study emphasised the analogy of a married woman being like a child; she craves attention from her husband the way a child craves attention from their parents. If a new wife is in the picture, like a child who had a new sibling, she will suffer from withdrawal symptoms, which will leave her depressed, according to al-Musawi's research.

Her solution? No, not guiding a woman to decide what she wants, and to walk away if she feels she is being wronged.

It's to teach women to "accept" the situation, and understand that her husband has every right to marry another woman.

Al-Musawi created a five-stage programme, all of which is supposed to counsel a woman and train her into "loving herself enough to submit to the situation":

1. Understanding why 'men need to marry more than one' woman

The first session is focused on "debunking" questions that naturally form in a woman's mind after she is faced with the situation of polygamy being imposed upon her. Al-Musawi seeks to address questions such as "is there something wrong with me?" and "does he not love/want me now that he has another wife?"

She claims that this session is supposed to rid the woman of her own bias against polygamy to understand and respect "the man's perspective".

2. Self-confidence

The second session focuses on the woman's self-confidence. She insists that a confident woman will be minimally fazed by her husband marrying another woman.

In this session, she aims to get rid of what she refers to as the "irrationality" that leads women to become upset when her husband marries another woman.

3. Exorcising self-blame

The third session teaches women to rid themselves of self-blame. She sets out to explain to women that her husband has not married another woman because there is anything wrong with her - rather it is simply "the course of life".

She claims that a woman who truly accepts herself will accept the situations into which her husband has put her, and that "a real woman" will not allow "external influences" to "break her home" by leaving her husband.

With this, al-Musawi brings a strong implication that a woman who resists polygamy is a woman who is insecure.

4. Seeking support

The fourth session is about seeking a form of assistance or support when the depression and anxiety gets too much, while the patient is in the process of accepting her fate.

Al-Musawi here tells women to find someone in whom to confide, and to lean on others for emotional support in the process of "adapting to this life change".

5. Ignoring 'not enough of a woman' criticisms

At times, when a man takes another wife, the first wife is usually blamed. Rumours may come out claiming that she is not a competent enough wife, or is not "woman enough" for her husband.

The fifth session is supposed to teach women to ignore such remarks and to continue moving on with her life.

For many reasons, throughout history, polygamy has historically been an attribute of Arab culture.

In August, a hashtag emerged out of Saudi Arabia calling on men to marry multiple women in order to "cure spinsterhood" in young women.

The hashtag, translating to "multiple wives cures spinsterhood" calls for men to marry more than one woman in order to stop the so-called epidemic in the rise of young women not getting married.

There are many reasons behind women not wanting to get married, from not finding a suitable partner, to not wanting a partner, to prioritising other aspects of life such as education and career.

However, according to the hashtag, being a woman and single is a condition from which women must be saved, and men must rise to the responsibility of doing so.

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